Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
