no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
