They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
