Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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