She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Of course I have a pirate flag
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
