Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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