So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
