i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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