When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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