My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
