I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
