Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
