i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
