i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Let's get the cat blown out
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
