We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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