I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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