i just wanna soil my oats bro
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
