So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
