she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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