Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
