Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
