Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you will always have a special place in my vag
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
