Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
