i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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