If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
