My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The air was thick with penises
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
