So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
