There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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