I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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