they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
