I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
