You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
