She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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