Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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