i already hear my dad disowning me
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
