She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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