I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
