If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
