don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
