whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
