Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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