I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
