There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
