Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
