LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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