saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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