So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
