hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
