ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she pinky promised me she was 18
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
