i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
