THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
