omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize