Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
