you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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