We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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