Are we in a gay sports bar?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
