mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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