I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
