been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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