U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
