I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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