He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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