I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
