I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
