Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
