She's JV to your varsity
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
