Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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