i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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