Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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