Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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