they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
