we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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