A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
