her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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