PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
