Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
