i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
